Top five Instagram no-no’s
1. Taking a picture that’s ostensibly of your pet but which conveniently features you looking hot. We know what you’re doing. If you want to display your hotness to your Instagram followers, just take a GPOY; this leads us to no-no number two.
2. Taking pictures almost exclusively of yourself, especially close-ups of body parts or #ootd’s. For those of you who are lucky enough to not be familiar with #ootd’s, it means ‘outfit of the day’. Knowing what you’re wearing today has zero bearing on anyone’s life, including your own. Also, I don’t care how toned or tan or tiny or titty-licious you are, I don’t want to see it. It’s boring.
3. Taking pictures of every meal you consume. Speaking of boring, not only does everyone have a body and clothe that body, everyone feeds that body. So even if ‘Rise’ makes your dinner look awesome, it’s still eventually shit. I would rather have you Instabrag than be Instabanal (you might as well just take pictures of your laundry or your garbage can).
4. Taking pictures of indiscernible things. Why bother sharing at all if no one can tell what you’re sharing? That fuzzy picture of what could be a carpet or a concert isn’t artsy. It’s the photo equivalent of abstract poetry: only relevant to its creator.
5. And of course, and I cannot believe we are having to say this again, InstaPDA. I don’t want to see your post-coital faces, your mid-smooch giggles, your self-shot intimacy. No one just spontaneously captured this cute couple moment. You awkwardly posed for it yourselves, making sure you both looked as adorable as possible, to (over)share your simpering sex life. You’re an asshole.